[NOTE: this isn't really a camp song, but it is one of my favorite "silly songs" that I remember from my youth. The song is actually from a record that came with an issue of Mad Magazine that I bought back in 1980, and it had a very interesting "gimmick" to it; each time you played the record you got a different ending (or verse), depending on where you initially dropped your stylus. In other words, the record had multiple parallel grooves, each one with the same opening chorus and a different verse. I spent countless hours lifting and dropping the stylus trying to make sure I had heard all the possible verses, but to this day I'm still not sure I heard them all....]
[Or click HERE to see all the verses at once.]
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Your sister pours glue in her hair and blames you
And your neighbor says that you're abusing her cat
And you just left the john with the water turned on
And the house gets all wet and your mother's upset
And you'd die if you knew what your dad's gonna do
And your python gets loose and you know it's no use
And you cry there in fear and it's now very clear...
That it's not such a super-spectacular day!
CHORUS
You go out for a spin and the sunroof caves in
And the steering wheel shakes so you slam on the brakes
And the gears get all stuck as you sideswipe a truck
And you run out of gas while you're trying to pass
And you're stalled on the tracks and you try to relax
But the train's coming through and it's heading for you
And you have a quick flash as you brace for the crash....
That it's not such a super-spectacular day!
CHORUS
Abount quarter to five your relations arrive
And you greet cousin Beth with terrible breath
And a fat British scientist tries your hi-fi
And your great uncle Fred who gets drunk in your bed
And your third cousin Dick who is metally sick
And his creepy friend Joe and six more you don't know
And you're sure there and then as you're shafted again...
That it's not such a super-spectacular day!
CHORUS
You're called down in class and you feel like an ass
'Cuz you don't have a clue and you know that it's due
To those classes you skipped and your fly is unzipped
And your acne has spread to the back of your head
And some jerk spreads the word that you're some kind of nerd
And you fight in the hall and punch for a wall [?]
And there isn't a doubt as they're flunking you out...
That it's not such a super-spectacular day!
CHORUS
'Round seven at night you go out for a bite
The streets are aglow from a large UFO
A creature comes out with two heads and a snout
It croaks like a frog and throws up on your dog
It thinks you are great and wants you for its mate
You're sealed in a case and go flying in space
And you silently say as the Earth fades away...
That it's not such a super-spectacular day!
CHORUS
A quarter past eight you pick up your blind date
And you really go ape for her fabulous shape
Of the girls that you've met she's the classiest yet
And she's pretty and bright and it's love at first sight
And it's really a shame she's not feeling the same
'Cuz she thinks you're a shmuck and she says "lots of luck"
And you sob in despair as she gives you the air...
That it's not such a super-spectacular day!
CHORUS
You develop a twitch and a horrible itch
And you're covered with spots and you're getting the trots
And you're feet start to swell and it's easy to tell
From this hideous wheeze it's some awful disease
So you call an M.D. and he says "don't ask me"
If it gets any worse you can speak to my nurse
And you manage to say as you wither away...
That it's not such a super-spectacular day!
CHORUS
You walk out the door of a dry cleaning store
And you're grabbed by surprise by three mafia guys
Who mistakenly think that you're Hymie the Fink
They break your right arm and do bodily harm
And you're writhing in pain and you try to explain
That your name is Jerome and you're on your way home
And you let out a sigh as you're left there to die...
That it's not such a super-spectacular day!
CHORUS
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